Hi friends! Sometimes, bullies can be mean and say hurtful things. But guess what? You can make them laugh or stop bothering you with some funny comebacks! In this post, you can say 50 silly and funny roasts to a bully.
Remember, it’s always better to be kind, but having a few funny lines can help you feel confident and show the bully you’re not afraid.
Let’s have some fun and learn these funny comebacks together!
Funny Roasts to Say to A Bully
- “I would agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
- “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
- “I’d explain it to you, but I left my crayons at home.”
- “If I wanted to hear from you, I’d buy a parrot.”
- “You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck thinking.”
- “You’re proof that even Google doesn’t have all the answers.”
- “You’re as useless as the ‘g’ in lasagna.”
- “I’m not arguing with you; I’m just explaining why you’re wrong.”
- “Somewhere out there, a tree is producing oxygen for you. You owe it an apology.”
- “You bring everyone great joy when you leave the room.”
- “I’d give you a nasty look, but you already have one.”
- “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
- “You’re like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, ‘Not now.'”
- “If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.”
- “You’re the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo.”
- “You’re as bright as a black hole and twice as dense.”
- “I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and poop out a smarter statement than that.”
- “If I threw a stick, you’d leave, right?”
- “You’re like a candle in the wind – utterly useless.”
- “You’re the human version of a participation award.”
- “I’d call you an idiot, but that would be an insult to all stupid people.”
- “You’re so fake, Barbie is jealous.”
- “I’d rather take advice from a Magic 8-Ball than from you.”
Most Funny Roasts Ever
- “If your brain was dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off.”
- “You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway.”
- “I’d slap you, but I don’t want to make your face look any better.”
- “Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me them.”
- “You’re like a protractor – you’re always trying to measure up but never quite make it.”
- “Are you a bank loan? Because you have my interest for all the wrong reasons.”
- “You’re so boring, you make a calculator look fun.”
- “I’d insult you, but I’m afraid I wouldn’t do as well as nature did.”
- “You’re proof that even evolution can go in reverse.”
- “I’m not saying I hate you, but I’d unplug your life support to charge my phone.”
- “If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.”
- “You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.”
- “You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.”
- “I’d love to see things from your perspective, but I can’t seem to get my head that far up my own.”
- “You’re the reason why even Windex can’t clean your act up.”
- “I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?”
- “You’re the reason I facepalm so much.”
- “You’re living proof that even God has a sense of humor.”
- “I’m not a proctologist, but I know an a**hole when I see one.”
- “You’re the human equivalent of a participation trophy.”
- “You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.”
- “I’ve seen more intelligence in a monkey’s butt.”
- “You’re not the dumbest person on the planet, but you sure better hope they don’t die.”
- “You’re as useful as a screen door on a submarine.”
- “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
- “If you were a vegetable, you’d be a ‘cabbage’.”
- “You should come with a warning label – ‘contents may be stupid.'”
- “If you were any more clueless, you’d need a map to find your nose.”
- “I’d call you a genius, but that would be an insult to intelligent people.”
- “You’re like a book that no one wants to read—boring and unimportant.”
- “You’re living proof that even a broken clock can get it right twice a day.”
- “You’re like a pimple: annoying, and everyone wishes you’d go away.”
- “If I wanted to listen to someone with no life experience, I’d ask a rock.”
- “You’re so transparent, even a window has more depth.”
- “Are you always this charming, or do you save it for special occasions?”
- “You’re like a cloud of bad breath; no one wants to be around you.”
- “I’d explain it to you, but I left my patience at home.”
- “You’re like a walking contradiction: completely useless and yet somehow always in the way.”
- “You’re the human equivalent of a participation award.”
- “If you were a fruit, you’d be a ‘cantaloupe’—because nobody likes you.”
- “You’re proof that even a broken clock can’t compete with your lack of sense.”
- “You’re like a broken pencil: pointless.”
- “If you were any more clueless, you’d be a GPS that always leads people to dead ends.”
- “You’re like a traffic cone: bright but entirely useless.”
Simple But Funny Roasts to Bully
- “I’d say you’re a waste of space, but even that would be an understatement.”
- “If you were any more transparent, you’d be invisible.”
- “You’re like a stain on a white shirt—hard to ignore and impossible to get rid of.”
- “Are you always this much of a drag, or is today just a special occasion?”
- “You’re like a flat tire: a nuisance and unnecessary.”
- “If your IQ were any lower, you’d be a plant.”
- “You’re like a microwave dinner: processed and lacking substance.”
- “I’d give you a piece of my mind, but I don’t have any left to spare.”
- “You’re like a broken record: repetitive and irritating.”
- “If you were any more dense, you’d be a black hole.”
- “You’re like a malfunctioning robot: just taking up space and not very helpful.”
- “I’d call you a mastermind, but that would imply you have a plan—of any kind.”
- “You’re like a coffee shop without coffee: pointless and disappointing.”
- “If you were any more boring, you’d put a sleeping bag to sleep.”
- “You’re like a vending machine with no snacks: empty and disappointing.”
- “Are you always this clueless, or is today a special occasion?”
- “If you were any more irrelevant, you’d be a blank page.”
- “You’re like a desert: vast and empty.”
- “I’d make a joke about your intelligence, but I’m afraid it would be too sophisticated.”
- “You’re like a used car salesman: always trying to sell something that nobody wants.”
- “If you were a vegetable, you’d be a ‘couch potato’—but even that would be an insult to potatoes.”
- “You’re like a ghost—everyone wishes you’d just vanish.”
- “I’d call you a genius, but that would be a major insult to genius everywhere.”
- “If brains were fuel, you’d be running on empty.”
- “You’re like a bad haircut: a constant reminder of a poor decision.”
- “You’re so out of touch, you could be a museum exhibit.”
- “If you were a superhero, your power would be making everyone around you uncomfortable.”
- “You’re like a pile of dirty laundry—unwanted and in the way.”
- “I’d tell you to take a hike, but I don’t want to risk you finding your way back.”
- “If you were a social media account, you’d be a ‘404 Error’.”
- “You’re like a car alarm—annoying and nobody wants to listen to you.”
- “If you were a movie, you’d be a flop.”
- “You’re like a bad dream—everyone’s relieved when you’re over.”
Respectful Roasts to Say to A Bully
- “Is it exhausting being this wrong all the time?”
- “You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.”
- “Did you get dressed in the dark today?”
- “Do you ever get tired of being this wrong?”
- “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
- “I’m not sure what’s more outdated—your arguments or your hairstyle.”
- “I’d explain it to you, but I left my patience at home.”
- “Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me them.”
- “You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.”
- “Is that your face, or is your neck blowing a bubble?”
- “I’ve seen salads dressed better than you.”
- “You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway.”
- “You might want to leave before your personality starts to make people sick.”
- “Do you need a license to be that annoying?”
- “Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; you only gargled.”
- “I’d love to stay and chat, but I’d rather have a root canal.”
- “You must have been a black hole in a past life because nothing escapes your grasp.”
- “I’m not arguing with you. I’m just explaining why you’re wrong.”
- “You’d be a great comedian if you could just find someone to laugh.”
- “I’d offer you some advice, but I’m sure you wouldn’t take it.”
- “I’m not sure what’s more awkward—your jokes or your dancing.”
- “You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway.”
- “You should wear a name tag that says ‘I’m the reason for the ‘don’t’ in ‘don’t try this at home.’”
- “I’m impressed you’ve managed to have so much confidence despite knowing so little.”
- “If I wanted to hear from an idiot, I’d talk to myself.”
- “You’re proof that even a broken clock is right twice a day.”
- “You have a face for radio and a voice for silent movies.”
- “I’m sorry, I don’t speak ‘I need attention.’”
- “Your family must be proud of you—for trying so hard.”
- “Have you ever considered a career as a mannequin? You’re pretty good at standing still and being useless.”
- “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
- “I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see you again.”
- “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
Light and Respectful
- “If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose.”
- “The only thing you’re good at is being annoying.”
- “Your arguments are as empty as your social calendar.”
- “I’m not saying you’re dumb, but you’ve made a strong case for it.”
- “Are you always this slow, or is today a special occasion?”
- “I’d give you a high five, but my hand might get dirty.”
- “If I wanted to hear from a fool, I’d just listen to myself talk.”
- “Is there a reason you’re always trying to be the center of attention, or are you just naturally annoying?”
- “You have a remarkable talent for making everyone around you miserable.”
- “Is that your real voice, or are you auditioning for a role in a horror movie?”
- “I can’t believe you’re still talking; I’m amazed you have the stamina.”
- “You must be a magician because whenever you speak, everyone disappears.”
- “If you were any more of a letdown, you’d be a ‘low-expectation’ role model.”
- “Your enthusiasm is as genuine as a Hollywood smile.”
- “If you were a vegetable, you’d be a ‘couch potato.’”
- “You’re like a software update that takes forever and does nothing.”
- “Congratulations! You’ve managed to become a professional annoyance.”
Conclusion
While it’s important to stand up for yourself, remember that kindness and understanding are powerful tools. Using clever and respectful roasts can help handle tough situations with a smile.
Always aim to solve problems in a friendly way, and remember, laughter can be a great way to lighten the mood!
Asim is an insightful author at Best Reacts, specializing in delivering thoughtful and engaging content. His writing bridges the gap between information and inspiration, making every piece a compelling read.
